thedosian-cabbage:

So like, imagine an AU where Trevelyan, Lavellan, Adaar and Cadash never actually made it to the Conclave. They all got spectacularly waylaid – by each other – on the way there and ended up forming a clump of grumpy, teeth-gritted comradeship to survive the rather hostile road there because idk about you, but a Dalish elf, a Tal-Vashoth Qunari, a Carta dwarf and the 39th son of the 40th cousin twice removed from the royal family of the Free Marches would make the most fantastic, oddball adventuring party ever.

And it’s just like…yeah, I literally dreamed this last night so here, have some potential dialogue lines.

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Adaar, very clearly a virgin: Oh yeah, I’ve had sex. I’ve had all the sex.
Cadash: Pffft. The only thing you’ve been bangin’ are the pots and pans–
Lavellan: Keep your dick away from our cooking utensils or so help me.

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Trevelyan: Nobody here appreciates fine dining like I do.
Cadash: Yeah well, shit’s an acquired taste, as you would know.

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Cadash: Just a quick question. Where did you get your admirable sense of humor from? The spite is just…riveting.
Lavellan: It is homegrown on a history of slaughter and slavery from the shem. I’m glad you liked it.
Trevelyan: Of course the dwarf would.
Lavellan: The dwarf has good tastes.

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Adaar: How did your thought process go from ‘oh god what a huge demon on fire’ to ‘I’m going to whack it with my sword and hope that it dies’?
Trevelyan: Look, mate. My enemies were on fire once and they died when I whacked them hard enough too.
Cadash: It’s too bad he’s a human. He would’ve made the perfect kind of Carta.
Lavellan: Yes, the odor is identical to yours.
(pause)
Adaar: You marked him?
Trevelyan: WHAT?! MARK ME WITH WHAT– OH MAKER–
Cadash: I rubbed my dwarfy little hands all over him while he slept, yup.
Lavellan: Creators, cleanse me from the evils my ears have borne audience to.

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Cadash: Is it true Templars would sell an arm and a leg for a mouthful of lyrium?
Lavellan: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that’s rude.
Trevelyan: It certainly is! And it’s more accurate that they would sell their mothers, anyway.
Adaar: Andraste burning on the stakes wasn’t enough to clean you of your sins, I see.

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Lavellan: You have no discomfort, traveling alongside a Dalish mage?
Trevelyan: Nope. I was born uncomfortable, anyway.

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Cadash: Hey, we can lure [the bandits] down this tunnel.
Adaar: So all of us except for you can get stuck down there?
Cadash: Oh ye of little faith!
Trevelyan: Even if the Maker descended right now, haloed in everlasting lights with Andraste by His side and tell me to trust you, I wouldn’t do it.